Friday, November 21, 2014

A List Of People Currently Watching The Sentinel On a Sanyo Betacord

Thomas L. Vaultonburg. End of list. 
For two months I thought the Sanyo Betacord I ordered on Ebay didn't work, because for some reason it wouldn't accept the beta tape I tried to put in there. So, I just started using it as a clock, and was still happy to have it. I know machines have their own personalities sometimes, and I've been making a small collection of Beta tapes, even though I thought I had nothing to play them on, so I tried once again tonight. Just for kicks. I held the tape to the lip of the VCR, but instead of pushing, or even coaxing, I just held it there for a second. Then I heard the carriage of the tape receiver rise up, suck in the tape, and go back down. It all seemed to come back to me then that you don't force a tape into such a classic machine, you humbly ask the machine to accept the tape. Humming like a charm. Picture as good as I remember Beta being. Sound working fine. I'm almost afraid to continue using it, but that's why I bought it. I love this machine, and only last night had decided that even if it didn't work I was still glad I bought it, because just having it here makes me happy. Next I might play return of the Living Dead, or Martin, or Dawn of the Dead. If I get really brave, I might try to put one of the Thriller Video tapes I have collected in and see what happens. 

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Thursday, November 20, 2014

Peopletoys (1974)

Actress Gail Smale, whose only movie was Peopletoys. Yes, she is albino.
Peopletoys is a 1974 movie that is impressive to me as an example of sure-handed professionalism triumphing over half-ass irresponsibilty. The half-ass irresponsibility in this case came from original director Sean MacGregor, who gets full credit for directing Peopletoys despite doing little else except fucking everything up, sleeping with an underage actress, and fighting with the writer and producer for setting flame to their hard work. MacGregor was so bad that we was fired and veteran tv producer David Sheldon was brought in to help salvage the production. Which he did. Despite having to reshoot a lot of the footage in another location, and bring back actors whose physical appearance had changed, including a nubile Leif Garrett, who had to don a wig because he had already dyed his hair for another production, Sheldon finished Peopletoys, also know as Devil Times Five, and Tantrums.  


Hell ya, that's Boss Hogg. Sorrelle Booke. "Goodnight, Harvey Beckman."
A lot of good scholarship has been done on Peopletoys. I've only ever seen one negative review, and that person seemed like kind of an idiot. The most amazing part of this movie to me is that it got finished at all. Most movies Sean MacGregor started never did, including the one with Vanna White, the one with the only known footage of her breastesses, or at least one breast, that is stilled credited to director Alan Smithee to this day, although it was the infamous MacGregor that raised a couple mildo of investor money, including the wife of a famous actor, and a future California gubernatorial candidate, then melted down, and ended up getting sued by everyone but Hupy and Abraham for misrepresenting himself. The legal battle went on so long that by the time it came to a head Vanna White and the rich governor-type had become all proper Conservatives and just wanted the piece of trash buried in a landfill. 


I watched Peopletoys again last night from my 50 Chilling Classics video that I've had a long time. The continuity errors, inexplicable scene changes, and feeling of disjointment are apparent if you're looking for them, or even if you're not. Knowing the troubled history of this movie only makes me like it more. I'm actually going to put it in tonight in the background and watch. I love the ski lodge location. The fact that at the beginning of the movie you see guests who are leaving for the season as the characters arrive to take over during the off season. Sound familiar? This movie is whack, and over the top with boobs, catfights, a cross-dressing adolescent, an albino actress fucking the director, who melts down, checks into a mental institution, and ends up 40 years later working as a stage hand in Hollywood. Whatever happened to Gail Smale? Pin It

The Picture of Dorian Gray: Thriller Video

Dorian Gray is the subject of a full-length portrait in oil by Basil Hallward, an artist who is impressed and infatuated by Dorian's beauty; he believes that Dorian’s beauty is responsible for the new mode in his art as a painter. Through Basil, Dorian meets Lord Henry Wotton, and he soon is enthralled by the aristocrat's hedonistic worldview: that beauty and sensual fulfilment are the only things worth pursuing in life. Understanding that his beauty will fade, Dorian expresses the desire to sell his soul, to ensure that the picture, rather than he, will age and fade. The wish is granted, and Dorian pursues a libertine life of varied and amoral experiences; all the while his portrait ages and records every soul-corrupting sin. That's what happens in The Picture of Dorian Gray. In The Picture of Jonas Gray, a plodding running back who barely possesses enough talent to make his football team as the season begins rushes for 201 yards and four touchdowns during the only game he will ever play significantly in, whilst beating my fantasy football team The Dirty Tricks Squad, with the help of Coby Fleener, who also sucks except for this one time. I haven't watched this movie, or read the book, but I do own the beta version of the Thriller Video. I picked up Latavius Murray in most of my fantasy football leagues this week, then did some squinting when I realized he plays against five top ten run defenses to finish the season. Therefore I just stashed him on my bench, but tonight he is a star, running for two touchdowns already in the first half. Next week, when I put him in, he'll suck again. Anyway, Thriller Video, Dorian Gray, Jonas Gray, George Bernard Wilde, whatever. This is still new in the box, and will remain such as I never intend to open it. 

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Rude Awakening: Thriller Video

In the Thriller Video episode Rude Awakening, Denholm Elliot plays a British real-estate broker who is plagued by disturbingly vivid dreams. Soon Elliot can't separate his dreams from reality, and vice versa. His shattered emotional state has a negative effect on his family, but that's nothing compared to the pull-out-the-rug finale. James Laurenson is in this episode, and he played Raven Shadmock in The Monster Club. 

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Thriller Video: The Silent Scream

Many of the 24 episodes of Thriller Video, hosted by Elvira, were originally episodes of Hammer House Horror, but not all the episodes of Hammer House of Horror were episodes of Elvira's Movie Macabre, as The Silent Scream was. That's why it's probably my favorite of the Thriller Video releases hosted by Elvira, and the first one I bought. If that rundown sounds confusing, try living inside my head. I believe there were 13 episodes of Hammer House of Horror, all dependably good. The Monster Club was shown on Movie Macabre, and is in the Thriller Video collection hosted by Elvira, but was not part of the Hammer House of Horror. Now that I look at the episode list of Movie Macabre, I realize The Silent Scream was never shown on Movie Macabre. Scream, Baby, Scream, Scream and Scream Again, and Now The Screaming Starts were, but not The Silent Scream. and None of the Hammer House of Horror episodes were. That makes sense, considering the Hammer House of Horror episodes were less than an hour long. I think because for 23 years now I have been watching a tape of the Monster Club with Elvira at the end hawking other Thriller Video releases that I conflated The Silent Scream with Movie Macabre, and The Monster Club with Hammer House of Horror. However, what is clear to me at this moment is that I own The Silent Scream in Beta from Thriller Video, and it is spectacular. 

November 21, 2014: Just unboxed this for the first time when I realized the Sanyo Betacord I bought two months ago actually works. In the first five minutes you get the IVE graphic and sound drop, iconic Elvira, Mistress of the Dark intro, and Hammer House of Horror show intro. It's playing smooth as bourbon. 

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Books Can Save Your Life, But Why Should They?

I have what is left of this afternoon and evening to myself here at Zombie Logic world headquarters, in the heart of America;s third most dangerous neighborhood, while the rest of the family is sick and quaranteening themselves back at the house. I feel like I should do something productive like make a comprehensive, engaging list of products available from Zombie Logic, and known associates, but every time I have that thought I realize nobody is going to buy them anyway, so I might as well walk over to the convenience store and buy enough ice cream to eat myself into a hyperglycemic coma. 

You weren't going to buy anything I went to the trouble of making a Pay Pal button for, describing, and finding a suitable picture for here, anyway, were you? Didn't think so. 

I saw today books had saved the life of a student at Florida State University where a crazed gunman began shooting. The books absorbed the bullets and saved his life. I'm not saying Zombie Logic Press books can save your life that way. If given a choice, they probably wouldn't. 

I sell books. It was a terrible miscalculation in judgement that has doomed me to a life of poverty and guilt. I don't really sell books, because you don't buy them. More correctly, I make books. I am happy to do so. Right now I'm editing a rather marvelous book by a young fellow with Cerebal Palsy. It's his first book, and details his journey through evangelical Christendom, searching for meaning and such. Hoping to publish that early in 2015, maybe February. 

Anyway, I have a freezer full of burritos, so I can hold out here rather indefinitely. Cyber space is endless, so I could hypothetically just keep jabbering forever, which is somewhat against my directives here at this blog. I rarely just write about myself, my daily thoughts and feelings, or random observations. 

Right there I just ran out of things to say. I should probably put a picture of something in here somewhere. 

Poet and publisher Thomas L. Vaultonburg pissing on a wall. 


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Monday, November 17, 2014

Nobody Kills Busey

I always liked Gary Busey. Mostly he seemed whacky and affable, with a streak of unpredictability. Whenever I saw him in a movie I seemed to enjoy it. Big Wednesday was one of my favorite. Even after his famous motorcycle accident, where he seemed to just go batshit nuts I enjoyed his antics a lot. The show I'm With Busey was a blast. 

But then I saw Celebrity rehab, and it turns out Busey is just kind of a big, menacing bully. Probably always has been. If he were more in possession of his faculties he'd probably be fairly dangerous. 

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