Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Outsider Poetry Depot You Tube

The Outsider Poetry Depot now has a You Tube channel where I have made a few poetry videos of some of my poems. Perhaps you'll be interested in seeing a few more. Maybe not. February has opened a lot milder than January. It was a tough month in many ways. I had a root canal last week, and because I had waited over twenty years the infection had eaten into the bone of my jaw and it hurt like the dickens for several days. Watching Tony Randall make a drunken presentation and being fired on the Alfred Hitchcock Hour right now. Enjoying my last cup of tea. Then I will watch Thriller with Boris Karloff and head off to bed, hoping I have done all I can this day.



This is a picture of my full set of The Best American Poetry anthologies. Well, I say complete, but that's not entirely the case. Not anymore. I didn't order the one edited by Sherman Alexie this year. I will eventually. Then I'll probably use it to replace either the Sinclair Lewis book or the Dorothy Parker anthology. I didn't really get into Babbit as much as I thought I would. His uber class consciousness and dissatisfaction with his station in life and possessions was the theme, I know, but I'm sort of sick of people who can't or won't appreciate what they have. For instance, I am grateful tonight just to be pain free. Aside from the cramp in my back from hunching over this ignorant computer instead of laying down and just relaxing for the last hour of the day. Like many people I find tooth pain intolerable. I had open heart surgery and I'd probably choose that again rather than finish this next root canal. The procedure itself was painless to my surprise, but the recovery was a bear. I'm also grateful tonight my greatest dependence in life is three or four cups of tea a day. It will be nice to see another Spring. 









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Singing Lessons

I remember writing most of the poems for Detached Retinas on the porch at Quincy Avenue. When i decided I had enough poems to do a book it was 1997 and there still was no such thing as on demand or even digital printing yet. I picked out a printer at random from a reference book and followed their directions. Having no experience, I am surprised to this day that it worked. I drew the illustration on the cover myself. I bought a block of ISBN numbers from Bowker and named my press Zombie Logic Press. I had been thinking about using that turn of phrase for several years, and in previous books and chapbooks always included a poem that was titled "Zombie Logic." The poem never found its way into a book. 

I don't remember the details of writing this particular poem. 

Singing Lessons

The King's critic was sent out to execute
all singing birds and by a creek spotted
a deformed bird-like creature and immediately
seized it by the throat at which time
the pathetic creature croaked, "There's no
point crushing my larynx, I'm of the species
vocus restrictus, a rare breed of songless
bird indigenous only to this creek." The 
executioner, convinced by the ugly but
persuasive creature's explanation, removed
his hands from its throat at which time
it began singing the most beautiful song
anyone had ever heard which led directly
to the villagers overthrowing the evil king
and delicious, syrupy beverages flowing
from the public fountains. When asked in
a later interview how such an ugly beast
could sing such a glorious song, the bird
replied, "Singing lessons."


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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Is Bernie Sanders an Unreasonable Man?

How is a touch of idealism not appropriate for a system everyone agrees isn't working? If the answer does not already exist within the solution set offered, doesn't it make sense the person with a solution outside of that set might be the answer?


I suppose in the coming weeks we'll hear how Bernie Sanders is a kook, his head is in the clouds, and his ideas can never work in "real life." Simultaneously we will hear every other candidate say that what is happening isn't working and needs to be changed. So, which is it. Do we need change or more of the same? I think Hillary Clinton is that special brand of egomaniac who believes that even though things aren't working the only problem is she hasn't had her chance to run the machine. But exactly what "machines" has she run in her life, and how did that turn out? She'll be good at attacking Bernie on being an idealist, a dreamer, a reckless revolutionary whose idea would lead to disaster. Out of the other side of her mouth she'll be saying we need change. But my opinion she isn't an agent of any real change, but an instrument of the very corporatacracy that has led us to this decline in the condition of the working and middle classes. I'm willing to take a chance that Bernie may have some radical ideas that the prevailing system just isn't ready for, because the rest of us sure are ready. 

The attempts that are already being made by Hillary and her proxies to paint all of us who support Bernie as naive children who are too facile to understand politics, economics, or policy, and need to just take a nap while the adults sort things out are condescending and offensive in several ways. I anticipate they will also tell us we need to put aside our differences and support Hillary if she is the Democratic nominee because if we don't the world will implode, but unlike most Hillary supporters, I have done something that they have not... I have already voted for a female candidate for President, Jill Stein, and I'm entirely comfortable doing that again. Why should I EVER vote for a candidate that goes out of her way to insult me and those like me?

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Monday, February 1, 2016

Zombie Logic Review: Poetry For Outsiders and Outlaws: Heart Poem and Illustration For Valentine's Day

Zombie Logic Review: Poetry For Outsiders and Outlaws: Heart Poem and Illustration For Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day heart poem by Thomas L. Vaultonburg and Jenny Mathews

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Thursday, January 28, 2016

Punk Ass Book Jockey Slings the Outsider Poetry

Under the adept helmsmanship of experienced trickster Dr. Henry Wolfsburg, an Outsider literary journal called The Journal of Outsider Poetry has quietly supplanted all other sources of information about poetry therapy and advice for clinicians dealing with the mentally ill. Here is an example of the poetry produced under the magnanimous tutelage of Dr. Wolfsburg:

Faking Bad

In anticipation of my
Evaluation to be declared
Non Compos Mentos
I slept under a bridge
For three days
"Getting into character,"

But on the morning of
My intake interview
My hair fell perfectly,
I mean I looked like
A fucking rock star.
College girls on the bus
Were giving me their
Numbers and my skin,
Which I'd purposely sunburnt
And caked in the finest filth,
Glowed like an Australian
Chippendale dancer named Weegie
And even the female Assisstant D.A.
Who had busted me for vagrancy
Waved her panties from
The third story building
Of the Courthouse.

No matter how much I
Tried to speak gibberish
Poetry and philosophical
Tracts spewed from my mouth.

Shuffling past the park
I beat eight
Grand Masters
At chess on move 1

Inadvertently I solved
The Phi Epsilom Theorem
By kicking stones
Into an algorythym.

When I arrived they didn't
Make me wait at all.

My caseworker giggled like
A schoolgirl while I told her
Each day was like an endless shift
In a Chinese fish- gutting
Sweatshop and every one of my fellow
Employees was motivationalist
Richard Simmons.
She ungirdled her enormous
Tits and as they spilled
Like fishguts onto the desk
She began to howl
"Fuck me, fuck me, oh fuck
Me right here in
Front of the open window
On State Street as everyone
Watches me fucking the strongest,
Healthiest, smartest, most popular,
Well-adjusted man in the world.

The rest of the examination was
Also a success.
But as I left the Mental HealthCenter
feeling marvelous
I accidentally bumped
An old woman with the door:
"Watch out you manic-depressive
Schizoid with Socially Avoidant

Features klutz."

Dr. Wolfsburg has had some remarkable results in curing conversion and somatoform disorders by establishing a transference through abnegation of the ablution and a catharsis caused by raising unconscious anxieties to the surface and then externalizing them in a form of a poem which is then published in the institutional newsletter then burned in a mass bonfire where the inmates act out a ceremonial murder of the asylum staff.

Hailed as a genius in many quarters of the psychiatric community, Dr. Wolfsburg remains humble, giving most of the credit for his fame to his patients. "After all, they are the one who write the poetry," he said in an article published in the Harvard Psychiatric Review of Art Therapy Methodology.

In addition to being one of the world's foremost existential crisis therapists, Dr. Wolfsburg is also the curator of The Hall of Bad Dudes, where he is the head Bad Dude.





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Sunday, January 24, 2016

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things: Two Incantations To Call Forth Satan and Raise the...

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things: Two Incantations To Call Forth Satan and Raise the...: The Satanic incantation Peter utters after the offering of baby blood Oh Great Diviner, Master of the Three Worlds, disciple who becam...








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Thursday, January 21, 2016

This Dude Abideth


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