Wednesday, April 16, 2014

On the Idea of the Perpetual Virginity of Mary

I was writing this very poem a few months ago after I saw a show about fallacies in the Bible and I asked Jenny if there was a site listing things lesbians liked, and she said "You're not writing something ignorant, are you?" Turns out I was. I remembered I had written this last night and wanted to try and write it better. But I can't. It's about as dumb as it gets, and I can't make it any less dumb. 


On the Idea of the Perpetual 
Virginity of Mary

How satisfied Mary found herself
In the days and years after the son of
The only male lover she had ever known
Left to work in his real father's company
Having her virginity confirmed over and over
Before softball practice and after knitting sessions
By the respectful but cunning finger of Salome
While Joseph and his flock
Of bastards were out salvaging copper
And tin from the abandoned summer
Homes of the Pharisees.
How Mary trembled and convulsed each
Time her maidenhead was re-established
By Salome's expert fingers, and later in life
Her quick, darting tongue.
Meanwhile Joseph kept up the ruse by bedding
Every loose Jezebel in Nazareth and continuously
Adding to his construction crew of bastards.
They were by all accounts a model family
And fully comfortable knowing they were establishing the
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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

50 Chilling Classics Is My Favorite Boxed Set of All Time

50 Chilling Classics is one of those things that came along when I needed it most. I had just lost everything, again, and had moved into a small apartment where I had nothing. Not even a television. But I did have a computer, which only got the internet from the restaurant in the ally ever now and again, and I could play movies on it. I bought 50 Chilling Classics at best Buy because I thought I would soon have a lot of time and not much to do. I recognized a few of the titles, but most were new to me. So I bought it. And I watched some of the movies over and over. I have documented may here. My favorites were The Cold, The Demon, The Demons of Ludlow, Devil Times Five, Dr. Tarr's Torture Dungeon, The Driller Killer, Drive-In Massacre, Funeral Home, House of the Dead, Messiah of Evil, The Murder Mansion, Silent Night, Bloody Night, Sisters of Death, Slashed Dreams, and The Witches Mountain. I see two movies on this list I don't remember watching, probably because that disk got lost in the move, or wasn't in the box, which would be common for Mill Valley products. Haunts and The Hearse. 


ALPHA INCIDENT, THE -1971
BELL FROM HELL - 1973
BLANCHEVILLE MONSTER, THE - 1964
BLOODY BROOD, THE - 1959
BUCKET OF BLOOD, A - 1959
CATHY'S CURSE - 1977
COLD, THE - 1984
DEATH RAGE - 1976
DEMON, THE - 1981
DEMONS OF LUDLOW, THE - 1983
DEVIL TIMES FIVE - 1974
DEVIL'S HAND, THE - 1962
DR. TARR'S TORTURE DUNGEON - 1973
DRILLER KILLER, THE - 1979
DRIVE-IN MASSACRE - 1974
FUNERAL HOME - 1980
GHOST, THE - 1963
HANDS OF A STRANGER - 1962
HAUNTS - 1977
HEARSE, THE - 1980
HORROR EXPRESS - 1972
HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND - 1962
HOUSE OF THE DEAD, THE (AKA: ALIEN ZONE) - 1978
I BURY THE LIVING - 1958
I EAT YOUR SKIN - 1964
JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER - 1966
LADY FRANKENSTEIN - 1971
LAND OF THE MINOTAUR - 1976
LEGEND OF BIGFOOT, THE - 1976
MAN IN THE ATTIC - 1953
MEDUSA - 1973
MESSIAH OF EVIL - 1973
METAMORPHOSIS - 1990
MURDER MANSION, THE - 1972
NAKED MASSACRE - 1976
NIGHTMARE IN WAX - 1969
OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES - 1981
PANIC - 1976
PASSENGER TO BALI, A - 1950
REVENGE OF DOCTOR X, THE - 1970
SCREAM BLOODY MURDER - 1973
SHOCK - 1946
SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT - 1972
SISTERS OF DEATH - 1976
SLASHED DREAMS - 1974
SNOWBEAST - 1977
TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST - 1976
WAR OF THE ROBOTS - 1978
WEREWOLF IN A GIRL'S DORMITORY - 1962
WITCHES MOUNTAIN, THE - 1972
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Elvira's Movie Macabre Season 1, Episode 2: Silent Night, Bloody Night

Although Elvira's Movie Macabre is known for its campy humor, the first two episodes feature rather grim and disturbing movies. Grave of the Vampire, and Silent Night, Deadly Night. One wonders if this was just random, or if the intention of the show was to feature truly scary movies instead of more campy movies like Blacula. 

In Silent Night, Bloody Night, Wilford Butler returns home on Christmas Eve and his house had been turned into a mental institution for the criminally insane. But the day of his return, he is set on fire and dies. The towns people believe his death was an accident, and the institution-house is later closed down. Wilford leaves the house to his grandson Jeffrey. A few years later, Jeffrey finally decides to sell this grandfather's house, but the towns people including the Mayor have mixed feelings on keeping people away from the house, especially when a serial killer escapes from another institution and finds refuge there. The killer makes frightening phone calls and kills anyone coming near the house. But what does the killer have in common with what happened to Wilford Butler years before?

Green Bean Ondine and Candy Darling, Warhol products, make a cameo in one of Silent Night, Bloody Night's most memorable scenes.

Although a restored version of Silent Night, Deadly Night was supposed to have been released in 2012, my recommendation is to watch the original, grainy version on the 50 Chilling Classics movie collection. If you don't have it, order it. 





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Elvira's Movie Macabre, Episode 1: Grave of the Vampire

The violent, disturbing Grave of the Vampire, was the first movie shown on Elvira's Movie Macabre. It aired on September 26, 1981, and was not typical of the type of movies shown during the show's five season run. 

This dark, violent British production stars Michael Pataki as a brutish vampire apparently lacking in Dracula's powers of seduction, since he finds it necessary to brutally rape a young woman (Kitty Vallacher) in order to sire a child. The product of this unholy mating is a half-human, half-vampire baby boy, bottle-fed on the blood of his now-insane mother (a truly sickening sight) until her eventual death from anemia. Later as a young man, the son (William Smith) is able to spend short periods in daylight, and his bloodlust is considerably lesser than that of his father. Tormented nevertheless by his evil condition, he curses his bloodline and defies his vampire heritage, tracking his father down to the university where he teaches occult sciences. Aside from Pataki's coarse but imposing performance, this low-budget film is a fairly routine genre entry, but the climactic, bloody duel between father and son vampires is quite gripping.




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Monday, April 14, 2014

Mission Creep

I wrote this poem titled "Mission Creep" Saturday. It's not very good, but I don't have anything to blog about so I decided to put it up. Maybe I could a picture in there. I'm going to Google mission creep and see what kind of images I get. Here you go...

Night of the Mission Creep



Mission Creep

40,000 years of evolution
have transformed my
earnest intention to plant
Jenny's birthday lilacs
into this sleep, efficient
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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Is The Legend of Mick Dodge a Hoax?

Jenny and I are always looking for something new we can watch on television. Typically we don't follow the trends and watch shows like Game of Thrones, or Breaking Bad, or whatever else is popular during any given season. despite all the quality television we know is being produced out there, we just have difficulty finding anything we really want to dedicated our time to at the end of a day. A few months ago we stumbled across the show The Legend of Mick Dodge on NatGeo. The whole premise of this sixty year old guy living in the rainforest seemed so goofy we just had to give it a few minutes. And a few minutes was all it took. We loved it. We watched the entire season. 

Like many people, I was suspicious that Mick Dodge was a fake. That he had a house he returned to every time the cameras were shut off. Nobody can live in the forest for 25 years as he claims to have. He always seems to run into a "friend" in every episode, and one wonders if he ever spends any time alone after all. He's by far more social than I am, and I live deadsmack in the center of a mid-size American city. He also seems pretty well fed for claiming to survive on a few mushrooms and berries he finds in the woods. After the final episode where he retires to a cave for the winter with little more than his bag of mushrooms I just had to know if this show was a put on. So, I did a little digging.

Did Mick Dodge and the National geographic Network pull a fast one on us? Is Mick Dodge somewhere in a cushy apartment right now luxuriating and having the last laugh?

No, I don't believe he is. While there appears to have been some fudging of facts, and some finessing of the real story to make it more entertaining for the television audience, the Mick Dodge story is pretty much as presented. he was born in the Hoh Rainforest where the show is filmed, and grew up in Japan, the son of a U.S. Marine. There he studied several forms of martial arts, himself serving a six year as a Marine later. he also spent a lot of time in his youth with his grandfather in the Olympic forest. 

As to how someone supposedly living as a hermit became a reality television star, it seems it happened mostly through a third party, the Olympic Mountains Earth Wisdom Circle. 

So, is Mick Dodge a wildman living his days in the forest completely off the grid? No. He has friends, even a job as an Earth Gym instructor. He eats pizza. Sometimes he stays indoors. He uses modern technology. he even has a Washington state driver's license, with his address listed as 2374 Rain Forest Road. 

Are we really to believe that one day in 1981 Mick Dodge decided to go for a run from his home in Olympia and never went back? 

Believe whatever you want. 



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Thursday, March 27, 2014

Important Art Show To Save Rockford, Illinois

Rockford, Illinois is America's third most miserable and dangerous city. Hell, Zombie Logic Press headquarters sits precariously in the middle of the fifth most dangerous neighborhood in all of America. But that's the way we like it. I have one of the best views in all of the Universe from my window. It's a freakshow day and night. I've seen it all from my cozy perch. Anyway, an important art show on April 4th, 2014 threatens to change all of that. Because banded together from the cosmic reaches of the Universe, five eclectic artists are likely to solve the major problems our city faces with the mere power of their creations. Then where will Rockford be? Bored, that's where. 

Zombie Logic Press headquarters, in the middle of the 5th most dangerous neighborhood in all of America.

So, after this important art show on April 4th at Lucette Spa and Salon right here on lovely Block 5, things will never be the same. The positivity squad is always asking me, "So, what are YOU doing to make the community better?" My first blush is tell the truth and admit I really don't want to make things better because I adore discord and every day right outside my window I have a movie that is better than any dystopic epic Hollywood is capable of producing. But one catches oneself before saying such things. Most of the time. I must admit I do have cognitive dissonance, in that once this Important Art Show solves all of Rockford's problems, things will be kind of dull around here.  I might take up gardening. Perhaps even rooftop gardening.

This art that's going to go down on April 4th. It's really top of the line. The real McCoy. Former Green party candidate for Rockford mayor, Jesus Correa will be there. Meagan Elise Weber will be there. Important artist Foodstamp Davis will be there. The inseparable art generator known as Jenny Mathews and Thomas L. Vaultonburg will be there.

Pabst Blue Ribbon will probably be there. It will most likely rain and hail and sleet sideways because that's what it does in Rockford for ten months a year, but take comfort in knowing that after this Important Art Show nothing will ever be the same.

Nothing.


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