Friday, June 20, 2008

Christianity Can Bite My Ass

Christianity Bite My Ass


If you know me you know I hate bullies. I'll take any opportunity to confront anyone who attempts to dominate another person. I like the underdog, the longshot, the hopeless cause.

Here's why I say this: lately I have detected a ploy by the Christian community so ridiculous it would be laughable if they weren't entirely sincere:

CHRISTIANS ARE THE NEW VICTIMS!!!!!!

After roughly 1700 years of absolute planet domination the Christians are now crying that there are people out there who, and imagine the nerve of this, don't agree with them and are going so far as to do so right in public. After centuries of having it all their own way and ststematically oppressing anyone who dissented, Christians finally feel themselves losing the absolute control over society they have abused since the fall of the Roman Empire.

And they whine like bitches. "What do you mean we can't just snap our fingers and invoke our non-existent god to shut up these negroes and homos and Wiccans and Liberals and liberated women who insist on not doing what we tell them anymore." It's a scary world for Christians now because for the first time they are forced to share planet space with the very people they have been torturing, hanging, burning, imprisoning and ostercizing for centuries. Frightening to be surrounded by people who don't agree with you isn't it?

Conservative commentators from Laura Ingraham to Bill O'Reilly to Sean Hannity and Pat Robertson are whining and moaning that Christians are the new Niggers. They are being conspired against by this vast elitist agenda and persecuted. To hear them say it you'd think it was them who had endured centuries of red hot pokers up the ass and systematic torture and Inquisitions and Crusades and Holy Wars. You'd think it was millions of them who had been murdered for disagreeing with them.

Do they really pine for the time when they could go out with their torches and pitchforks and string up anyone who was different from them as a witch? These are spooky people. The ultimate bullies. They can't stand the fact that the world is catching up with their lies and the soon they'll be held accountable for centuries of cruelty.

Any one of us who is different in any way or holds any beliefs contrary to Christianity has an inate, almost genetic memory of how people like us would have been treated in the past by Christians. And there would have been nothing you could have done about it. We all know the statistics: a few million Muslims here and there(including children), about 100,000 witches during the Inquisition and so on. And these freaks loved their work. Wracking, boiling, drawing and quartering, burning alive, pressing... Christians loved what they did.

And I think they miss it. Miss you women who had to do whatever you were told or be hanged. Miss you Negroes who had to pick their cotton or be hanged. Miss you homos who deserved a red hot poker in the ass.

But forget all of that, Christians are the true victims here. Victims of all us freaks who have risen up and insisted on not being tortured or murdered for our eccentricities or arcane beliefs or lifestyle choices.

Boo-Hoo, you can't use your phony religion to systematically oppress anyone who won't knuckle under.

I think Christians should be held liable for their reign of ungodly terror but truth is I think it's still pretty safe and fashionable to be a Christian. Sure more and more people snicker at you for believing an imaginary man in a white robe and long beard created the universe just for you and everyone like you and hates everyone unlike you and will cast them into eternal fire but it's a small price to pay for holding such a moronic belief.

What really irks Christians is they have to exist now like the rest of us in a universe with no absolutes where everyone has freedom to make their own decisions and they can't do a fucking thing about it.

Well, screw you, Christians. You're very lucky the rest of us are far more tolerant and merciful than you were to us when you had control. We won't burn or hang or drown or press you for your idioic beliefs like you did to us forever but you're not runnng things anymore so go behind closed doors and hold your little cult meetings for your non-existent god and dream of the good old days when you could string up anyone who disagreed with you.

So, the next time you see a Christian commentator whining about being a victim, just cast a thought back to the millions and millions of those like us who actually suffered horribly at the hands of Christians so we could love whoever we wanted and believe whatever we wanted and gather wherever we wanted and not be tortured to death. Pin It
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