Friday, March 16, 2012

Please Tell Me The Tim Tebow Joke Is Over

Please sign with the Denver Broncos, Payton Manning. 


Put an end to this Tim Tebow joke once and for all. 

Not since people were trying to convince me that Milli Vanilli was the world's greatest musical act has a cruel joke needed to be exposed this badly.

When I heard Denver fans yelling for Tebow to replace struggling quarterback Kyle Orton in one of Denver's early games I knew this was going to get interesting. Like most rational people, and almost everyone who had actually seen Tim Tebow throw a football, I thought he would start one game, scramble around like he was in a Benny Hill skit, then get his head handed to him by an angry linebacker.

That didn't happen.

What did happen almost defies description. Tebow went on a streak of fourth quarter come-from-behind wins that even Jesus would be forced to admit were pretty good examples of miraculous comebacks. After the first couple you could sense the palpable expectation in the crowd's demeanor as the fourth quarter arrived. The left-for-dead Denver Broncos were quickly becoming a playoff contender and it seemed all due to miracle worker Tim Tebow.

The nation was transfixed. Christians had a hero. Tebow couldn't fail. 

Hail Mary. Wait a minute, that's not right. I mean, thank you, Jeebus.

And he didn't. When he handed the Chicago Bears what is the worst loss I ever remember as a Bears' fan  in yet another fourth quarter comeback and subsequent overtime victory week 14 even the skeptics had to acknowledge maybe Tim Tebow was here to stay.

The Broncos made the playoffs. They even won a playoff game against the Pittsburgh Steelers in the best NFL game Tim Tebow will ever play, maybe his only good one as a quarterback. 

The next week Tebow's season came to a crashing halt as the New England Patriots once again proved they don't have much patience for jokes like Tim Tebow.

But this was only one setback in what his fans and now even many experts were predicting would be a steamroll into the Hall of Fame. 

Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way. Chiefly, those who have the most to gain or lose from Tim Tebow's performance as an NFL quarterback: his coach and General Manager John Fox and John Elway. They don't seem to believe in Tebow at all, as evidenced by Elway's obsession with getting recently released  Colts' quarterback Payton Manning to Denver to sell him on becoming the Broncos' quarterback for 2012. 

If Tebow is so good and so capable, why is Elway obsessed with getting Manning to the Broncos? 

That's a rhetorical question everyone but the football stupid and true believers already know the answer to. Tim Tebow is not a capable NFL quarterback. He's a future punchline. It was fun while it lasted, but now it's time for Tebow to go back to Florida, where he should have been drafted in the first place, and finish his career as a Tight End for the Jaguars.

Save us, Payton Manning. You're our only hope.

Update: There's no more reason to speculate about Tim Tebow's value as a quarterback, 31 directors of Player Personnel will now do that for us. We're about to find out exactly what NFL teams think Tebow is worth. 

Is Brandon Marshall mentally ill, or just a Bad Person

June 10, 2013: Frack.

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