Sunday, April 15, 2012

Hodag

The Hodag is a monster native to and exclusively sighted in Northern Wisconsin, specifically in the city of Rhinelander, where they have the most financial investment in perpetuating the folklore of the strange, fearsome beast. The first Hodag was not only spotted, but actually captured by a local posse spurred on by notorious flim flam man Eugene Shepard. The monster was photographed that day in 1893.


But as any hoaxster who has created a religion out of whole cloth can tell you, sometimes people take you seriously even when you're selling them a shit sandwich, which the local media did, running this story as if it was a legitimate cryptozoological find. Not to let a good lie go uncapitalized upon, Shepard claimed in 1896 to have captured another Hodag, this time a living specimen, and was of course all too willing to display it on the carnival circuit. The exhibit was a good success, until The Smithsonian Institute dispatched a team of scientists to verify the claim, at which time Shepard admitted the hoax. But Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, Mormons, and Scientologists can tell you none of that matters, because once a lie starts turning a profit no amount of truth can extinguish it.


Now, the black Hodag is the most nasty of the Hodag variations
This specimen is about six feet long and three feet at the shoulder. Its primary attack is a gore or a spike with its tail, but some Hodags have been known to resort to using tasers and some have been rumored to possess a noxious breath weapon (save at -2 or be dumbfounded for three rounds). 


This is the extremely rare Stuffed Animal Cave Hodag. Its primary means of attack is to siphon about twenty dollars out of your pocket, maybe more if you hit the gift shop.


Not much more is known about this downright nasty cryptid. On occasion you'll see one outside of a lodge after a few Leinenkugel Fake-Ass Mythical Beast brews sort of feigning a benevolent grin, but I can assure you it's all a clever ruse designed to get you to buy a T shirt.




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