Friday, October 12, 2012

Wayne Twitchell's 1979 Topps Baseball Card Reveals He Is a Vampire

When I was kid I collected baseball cards. I loved baseball and I really loved to memorize the statistics on the back of the cards. Whenever I would get money for my birthday or a good report card I would go buy as many baseball cards as I could afford. I would tear open the cards, throwing aside the rock hard stick of bubble gum, hoping to see the cards of my favorite players. But there was one card I never wanted to see. The first time I saw it I literally recoiled in fear. Something was amiss about the man I saw pictured on the card. Something terrifying. I thought he looked like a vampire. And that man was...

I defy you to tell me Wayne Twitchell's 1979 Topps baseball card doesn't frighten you. I'm surprised with fangs like that this bloodsucker even showed up on film.


Clearly a year earlier Twitchell, sensing he was about to be photographed, had the uncanny undead guile to close his mouth when about to be photographed for his baseball card. Wayne Twitchell may be a beloved shop teacher somewhere in America for all I know, or he may have vanished into the endless night to search for victims to satisfy his unholy bloodlust, but for two years of my youth his baseball cards traumatized me. Seeing it now his fangs don't seem to protrude as prominently as they seemed to when i was ten, but that too may only be another one of his demonic phantasms. 






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