Friday, December 14, 2012

The Battle of the Network Stars

I used to love The Battle of the Network Stars when I was a kid. My favorite years are when The Incredible Hulk (Lou Ferrigno) was on. I also loved the swimming relay because apparently they never got together beforehand to decide if the people they were nominating to race could even swim. And of course it all ended up in that famous tug-o-war with Ed Asner anchoring the CBS team. My poem slightly fictionalizes events that may or may not have happened.


Battle of the Network Stars

I am Thomas L. Vaultonburg, 
Writer of the postmodern poem 
Battle of the Network Stars, 
Which opens with one 
Of the Cagney and Laceys 
Sneaking into the Green Room 
To nibble blueberry muffins 
With the Incredible Hulk 
And ends with a tug-o-war 
Between the casts of Happy Days 
And Mork and Mindy 
Which halts abruptly 
When a noticeably coked-up 
Robin Williams enters 
Pam Dawber from behind 
Putting an end to the 70’s 
For another 100 years. 
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