Saturday, February 16, 2013

The Zombie Logic Weight Loss Plan

It took me over thirty years to gain 200 pounds. I have several gangly uncles on my mother's side who told me I wouldn't be able to gain weight until I was thirty, then I wouldn't be able to stop. They were half right. No matter how many milkshakes or peanut butter sandwiches I ate as a teenager I couldn't gain an ounce. I would even wake up each morning and hop on the scale horrified that I had lost weight while I slept. I'd love to have the secret of how I did that so I could write a diet book and finally people would show some interest in my writing, but unfortunately whatever quirk of metabolism that caused it wouldn't apply to the reader.

I achieved my holy grail goal of 200 pounds in November of 2000, one month ahead of schedule, and I was never less than 200 pounds for the next twelve years. Then last year I opted for hernia surgery and lost a lot of weight. My stomach was flat as when I was eighteen. I contemplated just training for overall fitness and not worrying about my weight, but that skinny, awkward kid inside me wouldn't have it, so I've been trying to get back to over 200 pounds since the beginning of the year.

How unusual it must seem for the millions of people on the planet whose New Year's resolution was to lose weight to discover there are people in the world who just can't gain weight. 

I was just in the basement working out with these exercise bands I bought as a substitute for heavy weights but they are a pale stand in for iron. However, it's essential at my age to listen to my body when it says it has had enough. 

Still, I wish there were some way I could extract whatever chemical it is in my body that causes my metabolism to rage like the Amazon and bottle it for all the people in the world who want it. I hope as I'm slowly and sensibly adding a few more pounds of muscle this year that you can have equal success sculpting your body. Take a long view, allow for setbacks, and never give up. It will happen in the end. Pin It
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