With today's latest troika of celebrity deaths, I thought I'd post my poem about the death of Ed McMahon. Today we lost three actors known for their iconic characters: Russell Johnson, the Professor on Gilligan's Island; Dave Madden, the Partridge Family's manager; and one of the last living Munchkins, Ruth Robinson Duccini. I love it how if two "celebrities" die in any roughly 24 hour period, the search for something resembling a third celebrity death begins. I'm sure the Munchkin was a delightful lady, but ...
Whiskey Spills, Bad Lovers, and Celebrity
Deaths Come In Threes
"You know Johnny fucked
Farrah Fawcett when she
Was still on Charlies' Angels,"
Says celebrity sidekick Ed
McMahon from behind a Scotch
Too cheap for an ex Marine
To a second rate bartender/actor
Paying too little attention.
"And he always said that Michael
Jackson was a fucking child molester,"
Says McMahon, pretending not to notice
The celebrtity tabloid show
Flickering in the corner.
As late night sidekick Ed McMahon's
Shaky hand spills a third trickle
Of rot gut onto the bar he knows
Back home his trophy wife
And the three Pekignese are already
Staring at the couch like
They're seeing a ghost.
Ex Marine Ed McMahon beckons
The two-bit bartender closer
And offers: "I can only tell you
One thing kid: Whiskey spills,
Bad lovers, and celebrity
Deaths come in threes."