Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Dr. Wolfsburg's Sneaky Waiver Wire Adds For Week Three

Are you 0-2, 1-2, maybe 1-1, or even 2-0? If you play fantasy football, chances are you are. Fortunately Dr. Henry Wolfsburg, Ph.D from Penn, and curator of the Hall of Bad Dudes, is here to help you add another win, loss, or draw to your fantasy football record. Here are some of the Bad Dudes, and otherwise dudes, you can pick up from your waiver wire to win, lose, or draw week 3, and beyond.

Khiry Robinson. Running Back. New Orleans Saints. Add this guy. Add him immediately. For this picture alone. He means business. And if there's one thing we've learned from two centuries of fantasy football, it's New Orleans Saints' running backs are difference makers in fantasy football. Especially the second and third tier ones. So, use an early waiver wire pick, especially in a league I'm in, and get this guy. Put him in your lineup. And wait for the Saints offensive scheme to reward you richly for playing one their running backs. Or just do what other smart fantasy players seem to have done this year, and wait until he lands on a team that will actually use him (Sproles, Ivory). 

That's a visual representation of Running Back 11, better known as Knile Davis. It should be enough for you that the owner who used a number one draft pick for Jamaal Charles is at his cubicle sobbing softly to himself, but if you're a selfish, sadistic bastard, you can do what every other fantasy column in the world has also instructed you to do this week and add his backup, Knile Davis, to your fantasy team. Actually, only one person per league can do that, and if you're doing worst-to-first I can only assume since you're actually making the effort to read this column you're not the worst, so you won't be adding Knile Davis, you want something a little less obvious. Hmmm. I got nothin'. Well, maybe...

Donald Brown. Running back. San Diego Chargers. Ryan Matthews did it again. This guy looks way too happy to be angry enough to stay in bounds and stiff-arm a defensive back just to get two extra yards that might be just enough to get you that extra point that wins you a week. Unfortunately for you, your running backs have been decimated by injury, and if you go any deeper than Brown you're looking at a load of junk and high risk propositions. 

See who is on the Fantasy Football Bum Bus 2014

Isaiah Crowell. Cleveland Browns. Running back. Junk or high-risk, high-reward proposition? Who knows. Best running back in Cleveland? So what?

At wide receiver get over to the wire and add James Jones. He's the number one receiver on a team that will be behind in every game, except for this week now that I've said it, because we all know every year a fantasy stud receiver emerges on the Raiders to help save your season. 

Tight Ends, man. Just looked at the numbers, and if you didn't draft Julius Thomas or Jimmy Graham early, or luck into Antonio Gates or the steady Greg Olsen later, you got nothin'. It may be time to abandon ship and add Larry Donnell, Delanie Walker, Travis Kelce, Dr. Linus Pauling, or anybody that isn't Dennis Pitta, Kyle Rudolph, or Jason Witten to your team. 


Now that every fantasy expert in America shoved it up your giggy last week telling you to play Jake Locker instead of Jay Cutler or Philip Rivers, quietly add Kirk Cousins after the waiver wire is finished. Don't play him unless you dropped a real quarterback for Jake Locker, but wait. If you drafted Kaepernick or RG3 or Romo go ahead and play him now. 

That's it. The key to the waiver wire is to constantly anticipate and solve problems before they become problems, but not tinker so much you shoot yourself in the foot. Don't overlook your kickers and defenses this week, but don't ask me for advice on that.

Did Dr. Wolfsburg help you last week? Well, if you'd like to have had Ahmad Bradshaw or Delanie Walker on your team, you bet he did. 

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