Thursday, May 28, 2015

How To Get Interested In Your Life

How To Get Interested In
Your Life

Why not try waking up earlier
Or later in the day,
Wearing sandals,
Or modifying the amount of nitrogen
Ingested in each breath?

Become a bottomless vessel
For the anger of others
And deny no parasite
A generous portion
Of skin, blood or intestine.

Play with it more
Than you now do:
It is durable and reacts well
To the attention.

Write your name in for president
Of the United States.
I have done this four times now
And believe I would make
A wonderful President.

Go to weddings and interview
Violets in their pajamas,
But remember it is impolite
To startle a rose.

Never open a fortune cookie.

Don’t eliminate enemies
By befriending them.
Hate is much cheaper.

Remain convinced that
They are out to get you,
But quickly squeal and
Turn coat once they’ve got you-
Defectors are universally loved.

Be sure to make the news twice
Monthly by urinating
On the President’s lawn.

Don’t be unconvinced that wolves
Mate for love or swans for it.

Wisdom is a slight gift usually given
To those who promise not to use it.

Most of the things you put in your
Mouth will be federally inspected
For safety, but there’s a bad sausage
Out there with your name on it.

Learn the French words for horse and apple,
But never use them in conversation.

Don’t allow wine to breath too long-
It is undeserving.

Only arise after dreams cease,
But feel free to confuse
These states in traffic.

Don’t write a poem when a kiss
Will do.

It is obvious that prolonged exposure
To rain and cold is unhealthy,
But what kind of friend would I be
If I didn’t say it?

If you make love on a beach
Sand may go up your ass
And someone may be videotaping.

Don’t wash your hands too early
In the morning- you may have
To murder in the afternoon.

Choose the name of your lifeboat
Carefully. When it sinks it will
Make the news. Pin It
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