Sunday, June 7, 2015

A Man Telling His Son He Is Going To Die

a man telling his son he is going to die

“Your daddy is going to die Joey. Your daddy is going to die and your are not going to have a daddy anymore Joey.” I said to my son whose name was Joey.

“Good,” he said, “I am very excited. That sounds great to me.”

He began marching around our living room, mimicking the act of playing a trombone.

“After your mother killed herself, I began slowly poisoning myself by putting a tiny amount of arsenic in my tea each morning. From what I understand about arsenic, I am in the beginning throes of death my boy. Yes, dear Joey, your daddy is not long for this world.” I said to my four year old son who stood there in his pajamas, clapping his hands enthusiastically, chanting:

“No more daddy.”

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

“No more daddy.”

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

“That’s right Joey, no more daddy, you’re going to be an orphan buddy, you’re going to have to learn to fend for yourself, and that is going to be very hard for you, because you are dimwitted and repulsive to look at. You are probably going to end up with a terrible, crippling drug habit if you don’t starve to death first. Your daddy is going to die, and I am afraid, my son, that there is no hope for you.” I said to my son as he jumped up and down on the couch, joyously soaring and cackling saying things like…

“I cannot wait to not have a daddy.”

“I cannot wait until you die.”

“No more daddies forever.”


He was pissing his pants, and he was pleased as punch, and frankly so was I. Today was the greatest day that I have ever known. Thank you jesus.
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