Saturday, July 25, 2015

Guest Outsider Poetry Blog: Dr. Millard Rausch

We're going to turn Zombie Logic over to the capable hands (and frontal lobe) of Dr. Millard Rausch tonight, who has a few words about dummies, Hamm's beer, and Outsider Poetry, in no particular order. 

Back in 1978 Dr. Millard Rausch was a second year professor at Penn, just trying to perfect his syllabus when the Zombie Outbreak of 1978 changed everything. Being one of the world's foremost experts on Xenobiology, Dr. Rausch was made an offer he could not refuse by the military to become a government spokesperson on zombie awareness. It was in the green room at WGON studios in Pittsburgh that he wrote this poem.

Dumb Questions

In every zombie movie 
From Zombie Lake to 
Children Shouldn’t Play 
With Dead Things, 
The living wonder 
What motivates the undead 
To clamor for human flesh, 
As if the undead are method 
Actors in a bad Fellini movie.

In one movie a coroner 
Asks the torso 
Of a bound zombie woman 
Why she lusts for brains.

Seems like a stupid question 
To ask someone 
Who wanted to eat your brains. 

Meanwhile, things had gone from bad to worse back at the WGON studio, and Dr. Rausch had just called 200 million Americans dummies. Americans are dummies, but they really don't like to be called dummies, so after the show Dr. Rausch found himself surrounded by a nation of angry dummies who were armed for a zombie Apocalypse. Second choice of enemies: Dr. Millard Rausch. Fortunately, the good doctor had prepared for just such an occasion, and repaired to Zombie Logic Ranch in Vermont where he wrote Outsider Poetry for the next decade, including this ditty...

True Romance

In the movie 
A zombie impaled 
Through the throat 
By a five iron gurgles 
“Must blend, 
Must pass for human,” 
To a woman he loves 
Too much to devour 
Until a shovel separates 
His head into two neat 
Hemispheres pretty much 
Ending his dream. 

Dr. Millard Rausch explaining zombie tribal behavior to dumb Americans in 1978


Pin It

No comments:

Post a Comment

Blogger Wordpress Gadgets