Thursday, January 28, 2016

Punk Ass Book Jockey Slings the Outsider Poetry

Under the adept helmsmanship of experienced trickster Dr. Henry Wolfsburg, an Outsider literary journal called The Journal of Outsider Poetry has quietly supplanted all other sources of information about poetry therapy and advice for clinicians dealing with the mentally ill. Here is an example of the poetry produced under the magnanimous tutelage of Dr. Wolfsburg:

Faking Bad

In anticipation of my
Evaluation to be declared
Non Compos Mentos
I slept under a bridge
For three days
"Getting into character,"

But on the morning of
My intake interview
My hair fell perfectly,
I mean I looked like
A fucking rock star.
College girls on the bus
Were giving me their
Numbers and my skin,
Which I'd purposely sunburnt
And caked in the finest filth,
Glowed like an Australian
Chippendale dancer named Weegie
And even the female Assisstant D.A.
Who had busted me for vagrancy
Waved her panties from
The third story building
Of the Courthouse.

No matter how much I
Tried to speak gibberish
Poetry and philosophical
Tracts spewed from my mouth.

Shuffling past the park
I beat eight
Grand Masters
At chess on move 1

Inadvertently I solved
The Phi Epsilom Theorem
By kicking stones
Into an algorythym.

When I arrived they didn't
Make me wait at all.

My caseworker giggled like
A schoolgirl while I told her
Each day was like an endless shift
In a Chinese fish- gutting
Sweatshop and every one of my fellow
Employees was motivationalist
Richard Simmons.
She ungirdled her enormous
Tits and as they spilled
Like fishguts onto the desk
She began to howl
"Fuck me, fuck me, oh fuck
Me right here in
Front of the open window
On State Street as everyone
Watches me fucking the strongest,
Healthiest, smartest, most popular,
Well-adjusted man in the world.

The rest of the examination was
Also a success.
But as I left the Mental HealthCenter
feeling marvelous
I accidentally bumped
An old woman with the door:
"Watch out you manic-depressive
Schizoid with Socially Avoidant

Features klutz."

Dr. Wolfsburg has had some remarkable results in curing conversion and somatoform disorders by establishing a transference through abnegation of the ablution and a catharsis caused by raising unconscious anxieties to the surface and then externalizing them in a form of a poem which is then published in the institutional newsletter then burned in a mass bonfire where the inmates act out a ceremonial murder of the asylum staff.

Hailed as a genius in many quarters of the psychiatric community, Dr. Wolfsburg remains humble, giving most of the credit for his fame to his patients. "After all, they are the one who write the poetry," he said in an article published in the Harvard Psychiatric Review of Art Therapy Methodology.

In addition to being one of the world's foremost existential crisis therapists, Dr. Wolfsburg is also the curator of The Hall of Bad Dudes, where he is the head Bad Dude.

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